What Your I-Statements Say About Your Leadership Style
Let’s set the scene.
You’re meeting with your licensing monitor for a routine review. As they look over the documentation, they pause, frown slightly, and say:
“I’m surprised this information is missing — I remember bringing this up before.”
How do you respond?
For many school administrators, these moments can feel like a test of confidence and composure. You know the work you and your team have put in. You also know the stakes are high. But before diving into explanations or solutions, take a moment to notice:
What’s the first thing that comes out of your mouth?
Be Curious: Why Your First Response Matters
The way we lean into conversations — especially in high-pressure moments — reveals how we naturally process and communicate information.
Some leaders think through the situation logically before speaking. Others draw from past experiences to make sense of what’s happening. Some lean into emotions, while others immediately try to problem-solve.
None of these responses are right or wrong. But understanding how you naturally communicate can help you adapt, lead with clarity, and build trust in critical conversations.
Let’s explore how this plays out.
Explore: What’s the First Thing That Comes Out of Your Mouth?
When faced with a situation like this, which statement feels most natural to you?
I think there may have been a miscommunication or misunderstanding, and I want to clarify what happened.
I know this is an important requirement, and I take this concern seriously.
I believe we’ve been working to stay compliant, so I’d like to better understand where the gap is.
I feel frustrated because I know our team has put effort into this, and I want to figure out what went wrong.
I could see how this situation would be frustrating, and I appreciate your patience as we work through it.
I have been tracking our progress, but clearly, something isn’t aligning. Let’s go over it together.
I remember previous discussions about this, and I’d like to revisit those details to ensure we’re on the same page.
I tried to ensure all documentation was complete, but I see now that something was missed. I want to correct it.
I lead with a problem-solving mindset, so let’s work through what needs to be done moving forward.
I am committed to addressing this concern and making sure it doesn’t happen again.
I’m trying to understand exactly where the disconnect is so we can resolve it efficiently.
Discover: What Does Your Communication Style Say About You?
These small phrases may seem like automatic responses, but they offer key insights into how you lead, process information, and engage in critical conversations.
“I think…” → You’re a logical processor who analyzes before speaking.
“I know…” → You value credibility and expertise, aiming to reassure others.
“I believe…” → You lead with principles and problem-solving.
“I feel…” → You acknowledge emotions and connect through empathy.
“I could…” → You keep an open mind, exploring different perspectives.
“I have…” → You draw from past experiences and lessons learned.
“I remember…” → You connect the present to past discussions and decisions.
“I tried…” → You take ownership and focus on continuous improvement.
“I lead…” → You naturally take initiative and responsibility.
“I am…” → You speak from confidence and commitment.
“I’m trying…” → You value learning and problem-solving in real time.
Why This Awareness Matters
Your response sets the tone. Whether you defend, explain, problem-solve, or listen first, your communication style influences how others receive your message.
Awareness leads to adaptability. When you recognize your default approach, you can adjust your communication to the situation and audience.
Confidence comes from clarity. Understanding how you naturally lead conversations gives you the power to shape the discussion with confidence and authenticity.
How to Lead with Confidence in Critical Conversations
Once you recognize your communication tendencies, you can refine your approach to navigate high-stakes moments more effectively.
Here are three ways to strengthen your communication presence:
1️⃣ Pause Before Responding
When faced with unexpected concerns, resist the urge to fill the silence immediately. A short pause gives you time to process, ground yourself, and respond with intention.
Try this:
Instead of jumping to defend or explain, take a deep breath and say,
“I want to make sure I fully understand your concern. Can you walk me through what’s missing?”
This signals thoughtfulness and leadership, rather than defensiveness.
2️⃣ Mirror & Clarify the Concern
Repeating and rephrasing the issue ensures that you’re on the same page before offering a solution.
Try this:
“So, from your perspective, this specific documentation was expected but not provided in the way you anticipated. Is that correct?”
This helps de-escalate tension and prevents miscommunication from snowballing.
3️⃣ Shift from Reaction to Resolution
Once you acknowledge the concern, focus on solutions and next steps.
Try this:
“I see the gap now, and I want to make sure we resolve it effectively. Let’s go over exactly what’s needed, and I’ll ensure we have a plan in place.”
This keeps the conversation productive and forward-focused.
Final Thoughts: Your Words Shape Your Leadership
When challenges arise — whether in a licensing review, staff meeting, or tough conversation — your first words set the tone.
By recognizing how you lean into conversations, you gain a powerful tool: the ability to lead with confidence, clarity, and authenticity in every interaction.
Your Next Step
Pay attention this week. When a high-pressure moment arises, ask yourself:
“What’s the first thing that comes out of my mouth?”
Because in leadership, your words don’t just communicate — they influence how others trust, follow, and respond to you.
This discussion is inspired by the Throat Center in Human Design — the energetic hub of communication and self-expression. If you’re curious why some messages land effortlessly while others seem to miss the mark, grab your chart and let’s explore it further in an insight session.
