I-Statements By Design
Have you ever walked away from a conversation replaying it in your head, wondering if you should’ve said something differently?
It happens to me more often than I’d like to admit. Just last week, I found myself replaying a couple of conversations, questioning whether I said the right thing. I don’t know about you, but I carry those ‘could’ve, should’ve’ moments for a while before my brain finally lets them go. And just when I think I’m done overanalyzing, another conversation comes along, and the cycle starts all over again—like a never-ending loop.
Studying Human Design has given me a different way to think about communication—why we say what we say and how we say it. Instead of cringing at those (cue Steve Urkel voice) "Did I say that?" moments, I’ve started leaning into them, asking, "Why did I say that?" and realizing there’s usually a good reason.
Here's the tea 🫖, our words don’t just spill out randomly—there’s a rhythm to how we communicate, a natural lead-in that reflects how we process and share information. And that lead-in? It’s worth paying attention to.
But First, Is This a Good Time to Share?
Before we start talking, it's important to remember when our message matters and is most meaningful. There's an energy that either welcomes what we have to say or resists it - even subtly.
You know those moments when you're like - I told them what they needed to know, why didn't they listen.
The thing is they heard you, they just might not have been ready to receive it.
But because sometimes our shares are less about what the person needs in that moment and more about what we just feel like we have to get off our chest - the message doesn't hit home like we want. And, maybe, just maybe, we'll have to repeat ourselves another time.
That's why it's important to share our thoughts and feedback when the timing and environment are right. This could be a direct invite or a knowing or understanding that what you have to say is welcomed—without reservation.
If there is a reservation, ask if they are open to hearing your thoughts or suggestions. And politely respect if they really need you to listen right now.
If it helps, record or write down your thoughts in case you forget them and want to come back to them another time, but be considerate in respecting what they ask of you.
Now that we got that covered, let's talk about the times you are invited to share. What are the words coming out of your mouth and what do they say about you?
Curiosity: What’s Your Go-To Way of Expressing Yourself?
Have you ever walked away from a conversation replaying what you said, wondering if you could have expressed yourself better?
Maybe you held back because you weren’t sure how your words would land, or perhaps you said something that didn’t quite capture what you really meant.
Our communication style is like a signature—it’s unique to us, yet we don’t always notice it.
The way we naturally lean into conversations and share our perspectives influences how we connect with others.
Pause for a moment and reflect on your typical approach to conversations.
Do you naturally start by stating a fact, sharing a personal reflection, or telling a story?
Perhaps you lead with a question to spark thought or express an emotion to set the tone before diving into your perspective.
We all have patterns in how we communicate, but we rarely pause to notice them. Without realizing it, our communication style shapes our connections, influences conversations, and determines how our messages resonate with others.
Being curious about our communication style helps us see our patterns more clearly. It allows us to pause and notice the ways we lean into conversations—how we introduce our thoughts, what we emphasize, and how our words shape the energy of an exchange.
When we start to notice these patterns, we gain insight into how we share and why we choose the words we do.
This awareness allows us to communicate more intentionally, trusting the way we express ourselves rather than questioning if we said the right thing.
Explore: What’s the First Thing That Comes Out of Your Mouth?
Let’s say you’re conversing with someone, and they’re sharing how lately they’ve felt overwhelmed. If you’re curious about your natural opening statement, which sentence(s) do you hear yourself saying most often—no matter the topic?
I think this might be a sign that something needs to shift, but I’m not sure what yet.
I know this feeling well, and navigating it can be tough.
I believe things tend to work out, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.
I feel like you’re carrying a lot, and that must be exhausting.
I could see how that situation would be really frustrating.
I have been in a similar place before, and here’s what helped me.
I remember going through something like this and how overwhelming it felt.
I tried something once that made a difference, and I wonder if it could help you too.
I lead with curiosity in these situations because I find it helps uncover new perspectives.
I am here to listen and support you however I can.
I’m trying to understand what might be most helpful for you right now.
Discover: What Does Your Communication Style Say About You?
These small phrases might not seem like much, but they offer insight into how you naturally process and share information.
Someone who often starts with "I think..." is likely a natural analyzer who processes information logically before forming a conclusion. They may prefer weighing different perspectives before speaking with certainty.
Someone who leads with "I know..." might be drawing from a deep well of knowledge or experience, confident in their understanding and eager to share it.
Someone who starts with "I believe..." is guided by their values and convictions. They share from a place of personal philosophy and principles, often seeking to inspire or affirm.
Someone who begins with "I feel..." likely processes experiences emotionally first.
Someone who uses "I could..." tends to be open-minded and exploratory, offering possibilities rather than firm solutions.
Someone who starts with "I have..." relies on personal experience as their main source of insight, sharing lessons from what they've been through.
Someone who says "I remember..." often connects the present to past experiences, using memories to make sense of the moment.
Someone who begins with "I tried..." values experimentation and action, sharing from direct hands-on experience.
Someone who leads with "I lead..." has a natural inclination toward guiding and taking initiative in discussions.
Someone who says "I am..." is rooted in identity and presence, expressing who they are in the moment.
Someone who starts with "I’m trying..." is open about their ongoing process, recognizing that growth and learning are continuous.
Neither approach is better than the other—just different ways of engaging with the world.
Understanding your natural lead-in will help you better understand how you express yourself and connect with others.
At the core of this is the challenge we all face—trusting that we said enough, said it well, and were understood.
But what if, instead of second-guessing, we leaned into the idea that our natural lead-in style is part of how we are meant to communicate? Maybe you said exactly what needed to be said at that time. And if you ever feel like there’s something important you left out, you can always follow up.
Conversations don’t have to be one-and-done; they can be an ongoing exchange where you bring more clarity, connection, and understanding over time.
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This month's discussion is inspired by the Throat Center in Human Design—the energetic hub of communication and self-expression. If you're curious why some messages land effortlessly while others seem to miss the mark, grab your chart and let's explore it further in an insight session.
Enjoyed this post. I share insights across different spaces.
To learn more about what your I-Statements say about your leadership style, → Read Beyond Compliance on Medium.
